Great TV Moustaches – Part 1

It’s that time of year again. The decorations are up, the shops are busy, children are on their best behaviour. Yes, it’s Movember.

Everyone’s counting off the sleeps until the Great Moustache appears. On the last night of Movember the Great Moustache creeps into every house and leaves facial hair for all the good girls and boys… while bad children get nothing but a lump of coal, an Xbox and a copy of Fallout 3.

Meanwhile, well-built office workers in tight-business shirts are all growing Swedish porn-stars (also known as “the droop” or “the Pancho Villa”). As a bonus, it raises money for the Prostate Cancer Foundation of Australia and Beyond Blue. Really, there is no downside to this. You can read about donating at the Movember website.

So while attending one of those celebrity Coburg parties the other day, someone said “you know, The Outland Institute should write about moustaches on television“.

It seemed a good idea. So we followed the usual procedure when preparing a column for the Institute. We sent a telex to Dr Alberto Longenin, the foremost expert in this field; we sent Debbie from the gift shop down into the catacombs to retrieve the appropriate books on the subject; we contracted seventeen work-experience children to go through The Institute’s cabinets of index cards; and we mentioned it on our facebook status.

So without further ado, here is part one of our surprisingly long celebration of TV’s greatest moustaches.

Artistic Shorthand

The Evil Doctor Chris and I were ensconced in the bunker underneath The Outland Institute, working  through the recipes in Passport To Survival – it’s amazing what you can do with wheat gluten. We were both feeling under the weather, so we were doing what all sick people do – watching truly terrible television. And when you think “terrible television” you think Dancing With The Stars.

For those who haven’t seen Dancing With The Stars – I salute you. In a nutshell, it’s a celebrity dance competition for people who don’t like dancing. Or celebrities. In fact, half of the “stars” seem to be chosen as an ironic statement on the nature of fame – I would’ve called it Dancing With Who’s That Then? Among this year’s contestants are various footballers, Home & Away starlets (male and female), “sporting personalities” (yes, I know) and Toni Pearen, who I last remember seeing in 1993 when she had a big hit with “I Want You”.