So the Evil Doctor and I decided to attend the Royal Show. After all, any event featuring both duck-herding and pig-diving must be worth a look – you don’t get that at the Melbourne Writers Festival. And as a bonus, it was cat judging day, and there’s nothing I enjoy more than a pissed-off Norwegian Forest Cat.
Both Maine Coon and Norwegian Forest Cats were up for judging, two breeds which are patently the same but breeders insist are not. In fact, I suspect that not only are they the same breed, but actually the same cat – the “Maine Coon” walks off stage, quickly attaches a fake moustache and a monocle and walks directly back on to receive the award for best Norwegian Forest Cat. They look like this:
We used to have a Maine Coon, he was named Reznor (after Trent Reznor from Nine Inch Nails – I know, how obvious? At least we didn’t call him Lord Aberdeen like everyone else). Maine Coons are amazing cats, huge and fluffy – they look more like a child’s drawing of a cat than a real animal. They’re also incredibly stupid. These days if you see a cat in film or television it’s usually a Maine Coon, as they’re fairly trainable. You may remember one killing a woman in a bath on Six Feet Under.
We met a gentleman who was holding the largest, furriest cat in the world. “Is that a Maine Coon or a Norwegian?” we asked, pretending they were different things. It turned out to be a Siberian Forest Cat, one of only five in Australia. All owned by the same man. “So I guess you can’t compete them?” we asked. Au contraire – he competes them against each other. He brought two cats to the show. And won two medals. What moral can we learn from this?
So what did we learn from the Institute this week?
- No-one makes gay porn like Disney anymore.
- Barbara Bain cannot convincingly turn to camera.
- Gong Li is the most beautiful woman on Earth!
In other news, I am now officially the third wheel on Boxcutters, Australia’s best television-themed podcast (probably). You can hear us discussing TV every week at http://boxcutters.net/ – if you’re looking for ill-informed opinion and personal bias, you can’t go wrong. This week celebrates the 150th episode, so prepare for discussion on Fringe, Futurama, spoilers, current affairs, Life On Mars USA, and much much more. Episode 151 will be in two weeks time when we’ll hopefully discuss the fab new series The Middleman – it’s so good I’m certain it’s been cancelled already.
As always, feel free to comment, to discuss, to add your two cents to the conversation…
See you next week!
– John
The Outland Institute 
For more pointless (but less truly terrifying) video featuring a cat, see:
Was that Steven Moffat’s cat?
Everything in Steven Moffat’s house is terrifying… He thought “Blink” was a fluffy comedy (incidentally, I do have a T-shirt with “the angels have the phone box” on it).
Did you know he originally pitched BLINK! as a Broadway musical? Cue angels with jazz hands.
Oh, look, here come my three cats to compete for the honour of my lap.
Who’s a woogie woogie woogie?
hmmm – the diagram explains why I sometimes write shit when I have a cat on my lap.
ps- i am so glad to see you taking content from facebook posts.
That vid! I laughed so hard here at work I thought there would be investigations, but I guess my colleagues are used to my random guffaws from this cubby hole during the week. I assume they have guessed it is because I am not working *at all*.
Damn YouTube and its ever-spiralling sink hole of links. Here’s one I found which made me think of 99. Perhaps it will make you feel less alone in being the proud owner of an insane cat.
Here’s Nora, a cat who plays the piano…. mmm, jazz….
http://au.youtube.com/watch?v=TZ860P4iTaM
I am sure I’ve heard that played by the MSO, with YoYoMa accompanying on the cello.
So THAT’S where Phillip Glass gets his material. (Nora the cat)
However, i don’t want to see any raps about any local cats.
Do you think if I billed U tube for wasting my work time they would send me money?
NO, anne-Marie, but I bet you could make a vid of the attempt and post in on YouTube and become a mini celebrity for about five minutes.
Anne Marie, you should totally make a video of you watching videos on you tube, wearing headphones so we can’t hear what you’re watching, laughing inanely, and post it on you tube.
with one cat on my lap and the other running away cos she doesn’t like sudden noises
and NOW i am going to do some real work – that they do pay me for. (or watch the end of Nora – the sequel)
Oh, and there’s a “response” to ninja cat i thought was funny – but it’ll only make sense if you’ve seen ninja cat already:
damn you – I’m trying to do some “corporate writing” and you’re making me look at cats. (And dared to mention the S word – I’m kind of jealous that you can afford a whole latte – my technique involves NOT opening the statements)
ok you’re making me watch nerds pretending to be cats!
http://www.ravenswingstudio.com/NoraWeb/docs/TheShop.html
I have no words to describe Nora that piano playing cat’s website.
I have a Norwegian Forest Cat!!! xD